Marooned With the Akatsuki Wait What?
by miragechick2
Summary: Ten oblivious Akatsuki members. One island. Two crackhead snake ninja. And a tribe of fangirls. There's only one solution to it all... to escape this place and get the heck back to reality. Rated T for someone's *cough* Hidan's *cough* pottymouth.


"Ow! FUCK!"

"Where the hell are we, hm?"

"Tobi wants to go home! Wah!"

"Shut up, Tobi, hm!"

"We need a logical way to get ourselves back to the base… well, wherever we are."

"Right! I'll go look for buried treasure."

"Hold it there, old fucker. I've gotta take a shit… whoa, where the hell is the bathroom?"

"It's an island, Hidan. There's no sanitary items. All there is are leaves, ground, and water surrounding us. Nothing but C-R-A-P. Crap."

"Well, that's okay, I can round up my shark buddies to get us home!"

"Did you have too much of that salt water, Kisame?"

"Um… did you have too much of that "Shut the hell up" today?"

"Okay, as the Leader, I declare this island as ours."

All of the Akatsuki were confused about where they were. All guesses that they were nowhere near civilization, and some were already on the verge of death. Unlike Zetsu, who was enjoying himself rather heavily. "Brothers!" he insanely screamed to his fellow Venus fly traps, probably twice his height, and were drooling over the fact that a walking fish was over at the beach with a few more humans. "Uh huh, uh huh… okay, hey, Kisame!"

The blue man walked over, still drowsy over the salt water in his stomach. "Yep…?"

"Um, well, it's not that kind to say… _**but my brothers want you for supper."**_

Kisame ran faster than a human could run with legs. Zetsu sighed, along with his plant brethren, and then made his way to the beach, where Leader was calling everyone for attendance.

"Okay, so we have no idea where we are, and what just happened a few minutes ago. So I need to know if everyone's here… um, Itachi, Kisame?"

"Present, Leader-sama."

"Heh heh… Leader looks like a carrot!"

Leader sighed. "He drank the salt water, didn't he?"

"Yep. He lacks hatred of this island."

Leader decided to skip it. "Tobi, Deidara, Sasori?"

Tobi raised his hand, trying to beat the sky at who was taller. Deidara flipped his blonde locks and tried to force Tobi's hand down, but Tobi wanted to beat the sky at the taller game. So he sucker slapped Deidara by accident and he fell down. Sasori, turning red, said: "Yeah. Sadly."

"Oh! Tobi beat the sky! Tobi wins! Beat that, clouds!"

"Tobi, you baka, hm!"

"OKAY, THEN!" Leader growled, eyeing the crowd, trying to grab their attention with his bugged eyeballs. "Hidan, Kakuzu?"

"Honestly, we're right here," Kakuzu noted, bored out of his mind. "I just want my paycheck, it doesn't matter if we're on a deserted island or not. Pay up, Buggar Boy."

"Jashin damns money fuckers, Kakuzu. I'll just pray to God, and he'll get us back! Your shit doesn't work with the pierced dickhead of a leader!"

"First of all, Kakuzu," Leader started, cross-armed, "It's kinda impossible for me to write a check right now, because someone doesn't have a checkbook and a pen with them! Second, to you, Hidan… stop swearing or we have to bring the thing back again."

Hidan covered his heart with the Jashin necklace and breathed heavily with wide purple eyes. "Wait… what? You wouldn't…"

"I WILL."

Hidan spat. "Damn you, Leader. Fine, I'll get along."

"Good. Konan's here, and Zetsu is too… m hm, so we have no idea what happened a few minutes ago… looks like… a gen-jutsu, maybe?"

"I would know, Leader," Itachi noted, realizing that he would have to miss his weekly appointment with Dr. Phil about his Sasuke problems, "It's not gen-jutsu. Looks like someone had deserted us on this island for no apparent reason."

"Hm, that sounds right, Itachi-san," Sushi-san commented, "But… aren't we ninja? I mean, we can walk on water, right?"

Everyone had a dumb moment, and everybody had sprinted to the water, feet holding chakra at the bottom. They had ran, and once they had stopped in the middle of the water, they collapsed all at the same time and tried to swim to shore. Splattering, Leader gave the angry face. Tobi knew the angry face and covered his eye.

"KISAME… ARE YOU STILL HIGH ON THAT SEA WATER?"

Kisame paused. "Um, no? I thought I could be reasonable?"

"It must be the water, not us. We can still perform jutsu, but the water is immune to our chakra. We're stuck here," Itachi summarized, being the brains on the body, as usual.

"Well… damn," Hidan spat, walking up and down in the sand, "We're FUCKED."

"Got that right," Sasori noted, sighing to himself, "I miss my Granny Chiyo…"

All the Akatsuki stared at him at once. "What? Oh, I mean… I miss my puppets. They were the only friends I could relate to, unlike SOME PEOPLE…"

"What, hm?"

"Tobi's a good boy!"

"OKAY! ORDER!" Leader screamed, and like in kindergarten, they all sat criss-cross applesauce in a circle in from of Leader. He sighed. What kids.

"Okay, since we need to get things in order, and that it's nearly night time, we have to take shelter somewhere, and no other place but here. So, one person will need to take guard for an hour, and wake one up, and another until sunrise, then he or she can wake up the entire Akatsuki organization, okay?"

"FUCK YOU, LEADER! I'M NOT GOING TO BED!"

Itachi had it with this zealot of a Jashin follower. He had his eyes set to Mangekyo, and Hidan linked eyes, and then he lay flat on the sand, snoring. "You're welcome. I need my beauty sleep, so good night to all of you." He walked and left, vanishing with his gen-jutsu.

Deidara straightened. "I need my beauty sleep, too, hm! There's not a hairbrush in sight and I need this!" He left as well, with Tobi clutching onto his hand, and Deidara trying to shake him off, but failed when they both vanished on the horizon.

"Good bye, everyone, for the night, _**we've decided to sleep in the forest."**_ Zetsu made his way into the vines, and wrapped himself around there until he vanished as well.

"What am I supposed to do with this thing?" Kakuzu questioned, raising Hidan's hand, and with Hidan's sleeping body leaned against him, the Akatsuki treasurer had gotten some of his drool on his face. Damn this guy. Leader shrugged. "Find a place… I'm sleeping somewhere, I dunno… be creative. Night."

Kisame yawned. "Bye, everyone. Until morn!" The fish man dived into the water, and settled at the bottom of the ocean floor.

Kakuzu sighed. He was all alone… with this guy to sleep with. He pushed Hidan to the side, and slept harshly on the sand floor, right near the smooth waves of the beach for the rest of the night.

. . .

"Well, Lord Orochimaru, how do our friends enjoy their little 'vacation'?"

"I have to be honest with you, Kabuto, my boy, but I think I'm starting to like you."

"Well, good, I thought so…. Well," the sidekick blushed, "I've always thought so."

Orochimaru pushed his little pathetic body to the side where they could see the screen clearly. "Just beat it, kid, this is the thriller of all my other evil schemes. Revenge upon the Akatsuki, my former loyalty. They've just been hit by… dun dun dun! A smooth criminal!"

Kabuto sighed, bringing his Lord a glass of lemonade. "Aren't those little Michael Jackson puns a bit too much?"

"Kabuto! There are an odd amount of seeds in this lemon at the bottom! I can't have that! You know what… go get me my grape juice, now! I want to enjoy my celebration!"

The assistant sighed. Whatever it takes… for him to feel the same way…


End file.
